not that happy,suffer alone

-i'm not in the happy mood to write anyway.but still i dont know why,i open this blog..and my fingers is typing faster than it actually did b4.

i miss him yes,i do.i try to tell him yesterday but he's not in the mood to listen anything that i want to tell him.i dont even know what am i in front his burning eyes.i cant stop crying anymore.he told me that he have a lot of problems,and he need to stay away from me for awhile.he is keeping all of this probz to himself.a relationship need to be clear and shared everything.he only think of his privacy.i want to help him like before.i want him back.the one who always telling me everything.the one who said"asma lah satu2nya yang memahami syaz.dgn asma syaz akan lbh tenang".where is that man??i'm asking myself..but there is no answer...

i keep myself shut.i dont want he to hate me if i always push him to be understanding with me.what i always get is,punishing myself for all what happened.bie,i know i'm not that perfect.and i guess time change you..how you taught of me.you told me that i broke ur heart again.bie do you ever ask me if u have broke mine how many times?
but i still stand up for u syg..i still let myself loving you with those pieces of my heart that u hurt..
i still tell you how much i love you.i keep all of this just to myself..u said that i dont trust you..same as you bie.u cant stand if i message with other guy that is so called as a friend nothing that special..but you bie,everytime i read yours.all the messages seem to be very sweet.those girls is flirting with you..and you just let them.but me..i nvr let it happen.i use word"kau and aku"but you..no syg..never..

but i still be patient syg.i keep letting my anger go..i dont want to get mad at you.i'm afraid if i do so..i will lose you.losing you is like i'm doing suicide.do you understand now bie??i still love you no matter what.even u flirting with my besties,other girls..even YOU HURT me more..i still not giving hope.i still love you..people will say to me that i'm a totally nut.bie,it hurt me more when u told me that"asma tak memahami syaz.."bie,it hurt me more than anything u had done to me.i'm trying to live and goes on with my life..but still i felt lonely.because there's no you..

so i did my decision.yes,i will let you do whatever you want.i wont even keep contact with you..i'm letting you alone with ur life..i pray for your happiness bie.yeah,my relationship is totally different than other couples you guys know.we are a couple but we will stay away from each other from now on..if u guys ask me,will i be better??totally NO..i cant be okay without him.but i have to that's what he want.i have to..i have to..

my spm result will be out this thursday.yeah,i keep praying that it will be excellent..and i wish that i will get to study abroad...and left this ampang.i just cant stop thinking of syaz..if this what happen to me..i'm enough with love..i just love him.he will be the only one that left in my heart..
bie,i love you forever syg..i dont want to leave you..but you are the one that left me behind..
i try to catch you..try harder to run onto you.but i guess i'm not that enough..

bie i miss you.i even miss the day we're so care of each other...i miss you syg.i'm not that hunger of your love.i just need you like b4.i want to be with you..and now it seem we cant..u rather told someone else about your probz..i dont even know who is that person.it myb will be a girl..and it will hurt me more..bie,pls come back to me.b4 i make a decision that can ruin my life.i just cant goes on alone right now.all this burden is making me...numb!

this is all i can wrote about today.bye2.
iloveyouforeversyaz